you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize