If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
