Say something about gay babies.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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