my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
