I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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