I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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