I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
