fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
