yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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