I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
