The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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