It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
