To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
