Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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