Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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