DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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