Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
