Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
be right there i have to get my cape
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
