I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
