I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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