tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
