3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
