so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
