Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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