And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
