My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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