question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
