Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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