I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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