yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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