Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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