everyone is single if you try hard enough
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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