somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We don't watch enough power rangers
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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