it was like eating out sand paper
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
