we have officially lost it.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
