I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
