Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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