Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
