All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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