oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We are two peas in an std pod
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize