When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
