Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
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