Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Let's get the cat blown out
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
