So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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