Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
