I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
