yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
