Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize