I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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