Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
