You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
