32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
