I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
