everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
