Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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