margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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