i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
