The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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