Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
