i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
