3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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