the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
