God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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