party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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