i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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