I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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