What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
