There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
