dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
