No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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