Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
