If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
