You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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