he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I pour the whiskey from now on
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
