I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
