I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
