you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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