Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
