hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
