he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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