I puked a lego.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
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