UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
