i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize