end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
