I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
