she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
