I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
