Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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