Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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