we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
