I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
tell me about the fingering
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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