Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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