so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
