How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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