We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize