I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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