hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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