it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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