You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
