So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
