There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
