you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
we should paint friendship bongs
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