just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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